I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
