i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize