I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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