my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Even my vagina gasped.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
