Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize