She said her name was "party"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
