my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
