he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
