Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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