All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
