I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
