yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
