just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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