It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
