im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
