420 ftw
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
