you turned your livingroom into a bong?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
