yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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