Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
