Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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