but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize