Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
