Say something about gay babies.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
