evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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