Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
you made out with another girl for some wings
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
