When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
