we have officially lost it.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
