hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
