just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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