You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
