when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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