I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
