what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
