anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
