i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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