i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
im holly from the hills drunk
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
