she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
operation have a gay friend backfired
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She even gives head with a lisp.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
