Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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