So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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