She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize