accomplished twins. life is a go
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
