I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
