Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
