so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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