So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
