she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
