I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
