listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
