I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
