i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
