Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
