I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize