i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
