the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She's the barista slut.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
