the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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