I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
