When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
