One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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