Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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