Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize