If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
