So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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