The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
