i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
