HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize