Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
