um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
