i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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