can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
