Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
