Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
