I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
