i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize