drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She bit a glass in half.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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