let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize