just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize