Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
