I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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