Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i out mim tonsoeep
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
